How many times has someone come up to you and said, hey girl how are you doing, hey sis good to see you how are you, hello friend how are you, and you muffle out your default answer of, “Oh I’m Good!” It is such a natural response that I don’t think we truly think about the question at all, it’s much more polite to use our default. I mean because really who wants to hear how we really feel, who wants to hear the truth! We are too busy maintaining our facade of perfection to share how we truly feel and I am no exception. Since I can remember I have been a people pleaser, I found validation in being everything for everybody. I remember being in second grade and I was the teachers assistant, I was assigned to passing out papers, watching the class when the teacher stepped out, and writing the names on the board of all the “bad” kids. Being a help and being acknowledged for it gave me so much joy. While this isn’t necessarily a horrible thing, it did create an unhealthy pattern that in order to feel good or valued I had to do for others, even at the cost of not doing for myself and this past week I reached my breaking point.
I think as women,wives, and moms we possess this absolutely amazing ability of 'acting' and I have definitely perfected this craft. I say this because in this season of life, I have Not been okay, I have been struggling with being a mom of two, I can’t remember the last time I’ve spent more than 2 hours of uninterrupted time with my husband, I am running 3 businesses consecutively, I’ve had family insult my parenting, money’s been up and down, I am completely exhausted from no sleep, I don’t really have support, and the enemy has been trying to steal any joy I have. But I have become an expert at putting on a pretty smile and doing my song and dance to keep up appearances. It wasn’t until I was sitting in church last Sunday unable to stand, when my friend DeLisa came up to me and asked, how are you doing?That’s when I realized I wasn’t doing good and in that moment it was if every tear I was holding in just came out, I could no longer keep the facade going. I had become accustomed to being Mrs. Boss Mom Life..... oh Ariel your life is perfect...... oh Ariel you have it all together....... oh Ariel things are easy for you! (Ugh!) As the person everyone comes to for help where do you go when you need help? As I sat there gathering myself I realized 3 things:
1. It is okay not to be "ok" and that I don’t have to always have it together. Having a weak moment doesn’t make me any less gifted, talented, or capable. According to God’s word His power is made strong in my weakness (2 Corinthians12:9). So instead of trying to hide it I should boast about it so God’s power will rest on me.
2. God will send the right people to encourage you when you need it most. As I was sitting in church feeling down, I kept saying in my head I wish someone would notice that I’m not okay, I wish someone would simply SEE ME! That’s when God sent My friend to sit with me, talk to me, embrace me, and take my feelings serious. That truly meant the world to me to have some one hear me and not brush me off because I’m “suppose to have it all together.”
3. I’m not alone! The enemy loves to isolate us and make us feel like we are the only ones going through what we are going through, especially as moms. I’m not the only Super Mom that feels like she is falling apart at times. I’m actually starting to think feeling like this actually makes you more of a mom lol.
I can’t say that everything is all rainbows and gum drops now that I’ve had these revelations because the reality is, my adorable little Ethan keeps waking up every hour to eat and my strong-willed Layla is making it a game to step on every nerve I have. However I’m extending myself more grace, more me time, and permission to be unapologetically me! You should definitely join me Mommas!